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Ramadhan 2018

This year's Ramadhan marks the 4th Ramadhan for my husband and I together as husband and wife. I often look forward for Ramadhan as I normally would but then come Syawal, where we will traditionally get together as a family visiting relatives from near nor far from both side of the families and the expected typical questions they will ask. After a while, you will get immune to the questions. Every now and then you will feel like you want to cry by just listening to them asking and giving the same advice 489 times. Appreciate all the advice given, don't get me wrong (hopefully they will say their prayers for us too) BUT on the inside you can't help but feeling like there is a massive hole that continues to grow and loudly echo a voice that shout it is still just the two of us this year.

I love my husband dearly. No questions about that (I know he loves me too. weeeee) but we are sooo ready to move on to the next phase. We want to shop and buy raya clothes for our child. We want to feel the excitement of raya where its not about us anymore, but for the happiness of our child and the joy he/she will bring to the whole family.

Every year (every day) our hope will always be the same. To have a child of our own. To feel the excitement of watching our child grow and see him/her smiling back at us. 

After raya, we are planning for our 2nd IVF as per doctor's advice, we should not wait for too long because few months back we did a blood test and it turns out the my ovarian reserve is already at the low side. I am trying to remain calm, not stress too much, eat my daily supplement, have enough rest, drink lots of water and everything I can think off to help prepare my body for IVF. Of course with lots of prayer and zikir hoping that this time Allah SWT will grant us what we have been waiting for almost 4 years now. I don't think anybody will ever understand what ttc-ian go through no matter how much they say they understand unless they have been in similar journey as well. It has been challenging, no doubt. If one might compare it to a roller coaster ride, then it sure feels like you are on a never ending roller coaster ride. 

Life is indeed full of uncertainties and sometimes we struggle just to continue to stand on our own two feet.

Comments

  1. sunnie7/03/2019 11:36 am

    Hi how are you? Have you successful? I know how you feel. Your not alone. Same as you i was trying since 2016 till now. and i have tried everything included IVF. Hope to hear good news from you

    ReplyDelete

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