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friday yay day! still TTC-ing. i am on day 10 of my cycle. TTC the natural way. i am feeling way better after my infusion (Actemra) 2 weeks ago. sometimes when it feels like you have been trying for a baby like forever, you begin to think what can possibly be different this time around. every month trying with no luck, how can this month be any different than the last? then u will try your very best to remain calm and positive..pick up the little pieces of the lost hope..  Ramadhan is coming.. so no plans for IUI just yet. i am looking at early August. I mean we can do it in July but looking at the cycle period it will be exactly during raya which will be ehh impossible. Between the rendang, lemang and what not, there is no way we will be able to squeeze in IUI in between. I really hope miraculously i will be pregnant by then and that we don't have to go through all of this.. but one can only hope. I hope God will make it happen soon for the both of us..not just us but for...

h.e.l.l.O Ultrasound was supposed to be done on cycle day 13 (12.4.2016), somehow when the doc checked, I had only 2 small eggs at 7 and 10mm. Doc was surprised because my lining was thick and she expected a bigger egg, then she saw an area that possibly indicated that I have ovulated earlier than expected **cries bucket** So she said she could not proceed with the IUI. This was on Tuesday (12/4/). And so I did my actemra on Thursday (14/4) and now on low dose of steroids (prednisone) for 8 days. Cycle wise, I am on day 21 today. Feeling sooo much better this week from the infusion and steroids. Not a fan of steroids but only people with chronic disease will understand the need to take it to sustain. This is my second time taking it after having had to live with RA for more than 10 years. I was before under a lot of pain, always always tired like I am about to faint. Lack of sleep due to severe pain. Pain around knees, wrist, back-pain, rib cage area when breathing. It was a ni...

We cannot give up on hope I am now on my CD 5 (day 4 of chlomide). On 1/4 I took mc to go see my Rheumatologist. Did a blood test and ESR was at 51 :( The outcome of that visit resulted in my right knee being injected by low dose of steroid and doc remove some of the fluid around the knee area. I was feeling a bit better throughout the weekend after the procedure. The plan was to just hang in there until IUI procedure some time around 14-15 April.. if all is well and going according to plan. If God willing than I will have my very first BFP. Otherwise, welcome back Actemra for at least 2 rounds (May and June) then we will give IUI another go. I am not on any painkiller at the moment just relying on deep heat, some plaster, avoiding meat and dairy products and some other stuff. It does not bothers me that much as I don't really feel like eating. My jaw is also having RA symptoms. This is typically the point where I would be losing 3-4 kilos within 2-3 weeks. Great to prepare for...

haaaaa so my ms P came in early. Supposed to get it on 2.4.16, it came today instead. So no luck at TTC right after HSG :( This month, when ms P came, the emotion was slightly better for both me and dear hubby. We took it calmly and just move on. This just means that we will proceed with our next plan... IUI. I will start taking chlomide on cycle day 2 (2 tablets per day) for 5 days and will be going for ultrasound on day 12 or 13. I am a bit worried because I have Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA) and SADLY it is coming back again aggressively for the past 2 weeks means I have to be on medication again.. I am on Actemra (infusion when necessary, usually done every 8 weeks). It has been more than 12 weeks without any medication and I was happy for awhile that I could conceive without having to worry of any slightest chance on any side effect to the baby. TTC plan did not work for us... With RA, planning is everything, but when it comes to TTC, you cannot really...

h.e.l.l.o  Hubby's cousin is getting married this Saturday. For most of the malay weddings, this would mean a whole day kinda event for the whole fam as we need to help out with the last minute preparations and help get everything in place. In fact, this Friday after work, hubby's fam and the rest of the crew are coming from Seremban staying at a home stay in Sungai Buloh where the wedding will be held. Morning time for the akad nikah and come sanding in the afternoon.  On top of that I have signed up the both of us for hiking at Broga Hill on Sunday morning. This was few weeks ago. I thought it would be a good idea to keep us busy and focus on other things. When I reminded him over the hiking plans, he was what this sunday?!?  So i said "Yeah, I told you. We are going to see the sunrise. Need to be there by 5am. Meaning we need to wake up at 4am" H: No, you did not mention that we had to wake up that early. I need my sleep ya daa yaa da Me: Yeah, but you said...

h.e.l.l.o So yesterday I was busy googling places to proceed with IUI but before we decide on any hospital, was thinking of maybe we can save a few hundreds by going elsewhere other than Ramsay Sime Darby Medical Centre (RSDMC), Subang Jaya. HSG procedure had just cost us RM717 when I know it could have been cheaper in LPPKN or Tawakal Hospital to name a few. I find RSDMC a bit easier to arrange for  appointments and they treat you well. Okay I know I am being bias but I have valid reasons which I shall tell about it later...  All and all I know the cheapest would be doing it with Gov hospitals but because I wanted the security of having to do it in a more hassle free environment, not that I am saying bad things about Gov hospitals but it is going to be quite a  process to have to go through and you need to plan for your leave and medical leave etc, so in my head I wanted to do it somewhere that would be able to provide me a little extra guidance and comfort t...

h.e.l.l.o On Monday 14.03.2016, Hubby and I went for HSG test at Ramsay Sime Darby Medical Centre. Alhamdulillah, the result came back positive :) We came in at about 8.45 am, they called me in at about 9.15am, procedures started at 9.30am and ended by 10am. The whole process of inserting and injecting only lasted for 2-3 minutes but the whole process of waiting for them to set up the whole area, listening to some explanation given by the nurse, waiting for the doctor to arrive and etc etc were the part that brought some gelabah feeling because in my head I just wanted it to be over like now now. Quick! But don't worry too much. Focus on the positive and just remember to breathe, zikir,breathe, zikir... I read like gazillion blogs and medical websites to learn about the procedures and how it would feel, but trust me, it was really easy breezy. Sure it was a bit uncomfortable but just relax follow the procedure and it will be over before you know it. And it was true it did ...

H.e.l.l.o So I decided to start a blog. My very own wall use to express my feelings and update on the things that I have in mind. What better way then to start my own blog.  A little introduction about me. I am 30 years old. I am married. I really really really want to start a family with Mr Hubby but boy was I not in the know that it was not going to be that easy making one! (which is probably be the main reason why this blog exist in the first place!) I have been feeling frustrated time and time again on the failure of not being able to conceive one. Things are not easy on Mr Hubby too as he really really really wants one too.. I tell myself there is still hope but every now and then you feel what could possibly be wrong feeling with me (Mr Hubby did his test, his result came out wonderful,yes he has awesome swimmers on board). Yes, I should not be blaming myself for all of this. The possibility would be endless. But you cannot help it. We humans are weak. It is a mo...